Or we’re running low on patience and just want peace and quiet. When our child has a meltdown, parents often want to stop the tears because it hurts our hearts that our kids are struggling. What to do during a very loud, very public meltdown We want them to “fit in” because we know what rejection feels like.Īnd sometimes we’re just too damn tired to be patient and empathetic.īut force isn’t the way to achieve joy, confidence - or calm.
Teen autism meltdown youutbe full#
We want them to be brave and full of confidence.
We know our kids would enjoy whatever activity if they would just try it. That said, I understand where the Elmo mom was coming from. When we let our children get comfortable at their own pace and they finally take that step of their own volition, true confidence and security grows. All of this pushing falls on a spectrum ranging from encouraging a hesitant child (this is great and should have no strings attached to the outcome - Let them say no!) to physically forcing them into a scenario that has their brain screaming danger.
Of course, pushing independence isn’t always as extreme as the Elmo scenario or a room full of spiders. I also assume I’d store those traumas and they’d invariably be triggered later in my life. That doesn’t mean I had some kind of breakthrough or success in facing my fears. If I was forced into a room full of spiders, I would probably be able to detach from my brain at some point to cope after about 40 hours of screaming. When we force a child to face their fears, and I mean screaming-on-the-floor petrified, like Whitney Ellenby, the mother who wanted her autistic son to see Elmo, we aren’t actually helping them. When we push a child, especially one prone to anxiety and rigidity, their natural instinct is to dig their heels in and hold on tighter. I’ve learned from experience that trying to force independence is counterintuitive, whether or not your child is autistic. There’s a difference between forcing behaviors and encouraging independence We declined her services and found a better fit for our family - for our son. You could never fit their beauty and quirkiness into a box. In reality, each and every autistic child is so unique and different from what society deems typical. I felt like she wanted to stuff his behaviors into a box, then sit on top of it. I could see the judgment in her expression when she began a monologue about how I needed to force my son to go to school, force him into situations that make him extremely uncomfortable, and force him to socialize regardless of how he feels about it. My partner and I told her about our choice of home-schooling and how we’ve never used punishment as a form of discipline.Īs the meeting continued, her brows became hawklike. This was our first meeting to see if we would be a good fit to work together toward an evaluation and formal diagnosis, so my son wasn’t present. I sat in the child psychologist’s office telling her about my six-year-old autistic son.
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